here’s a rant … I tried structuring it, but it ended up just like the topic it is about — random, haphazard, free-flowing, out of control.
I mean, isn’t it; isn’t ‘Love’ stupid?
It makes you so happy one moment; another, it makes you so sad and messed up. One moment the possibilities are endless; another, the end is a possibility.
Lying down on my back I imagine our souls, still in our happy place, talking to each-other, holding hands, looking into each-other’s eyes, smiling. I take a turn on my side, and so do my thoughts, they take me to this dark place, where I see no light at the end of the tunnel; but, another…in my place…talking, smiling, holding hands. Scary! I feel a spasm in my chest. These moments are filled with sadness…sadness that is so random, free-flowing, unstructured, out of control!
Isn’t love so stupid, and attachment damn scary? I mean, you want someone you care for to be happy, but their happiness can’t always be with you. So you do the next best thing you could, find it for them, or let them find it in other places. But a part of your happiness is held in that safe space we make when we hold our hands, if they let go, (this essential part of) your happiness just goes crashing down into the earth, who knows when to return, if ever.
Once again you two come face to face, you see them smile, and your worries disappear; you say to yourself, it is all worth it, in the end, even if only for these moments. In these moments, you’ve experienced happiness…random, free-flowing, unstructured, out of control!
Perhaps that’s what love is all about, it is perhaps just episodes of randomly being happy and randomly being sad?
P.S. The only explanation of love I could relate to in years:
“ …love is messy, and horrible, and selfish…and…bold.
…Love is being able to ruin your good painting, for a chance of a great one.”